She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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