i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
