i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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