I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
They are going to name an STD after you.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
