You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
