Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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