Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
