Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
