p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize