Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize