garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
