I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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