If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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