All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
