Non-Jews are for practice
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
