You surviving the open bar?
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I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
