I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
You smell like stripper and shame
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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