Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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