I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
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