She is in my trunk
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
