what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
