The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
