Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
