he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize