Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize