remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
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