You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
