I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
