I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
