I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize