He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
