I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
"it" just moved
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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