You smell like stripper and shame
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
