Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
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