Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Randomize