hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
