i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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