These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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