i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
