I didn't shave. On purpose
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
