how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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