I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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