WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
