My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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