my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
