I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
