Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
