i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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