Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
