god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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