Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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