Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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