I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
