If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
