Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
