so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
