these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
