they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
