Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Randomize
