I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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