a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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