He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
