Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
