May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
