so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
