Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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