look no pants
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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