Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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