there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
