This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
