I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
