Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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