I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Soap is not a condiment
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
