If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
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