I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
