If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
