In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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