i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
