nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Vodka?
Forever.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
