It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
This girl is more easily done than said...
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
